Uncle Walter's Rants

Wow, RT Book Reviews, and the new blog!

So, the article is out and we did quite well there.  I am pleased and so is The Wife.  Who knows maybe someday the Uncle Walter empire will become a full time job.  Wouldn't be so bad right?  On that note go buy a copy of the magazine!  You can find out who is selling it near you by checking their site here: http://www.romantictimes.com/

As for the new blog it took me a while to fully flesh it out and I came to the conclusion that it was more educational than romantic/ranty so I have decided to put it into the Professor Walter camp.  In keeping with that the new blog will be at www.geriadtric.com.  Do you get it geriADtric as in old ads.  Yeah it's cheesy, but I think it works.  This will be part of the expanding Professor Walter side where I am looking into syndication.  yeah, Prof Walt in print.  That would be pretty cool.  Don't worry romance is bread and butter and I won't forget it.  ;)

Now a question for my readers...  I want to get the T-Shirts going, and coffee cups, and bumper stickers, and whatever else I want to make.  Any ideas out there for imagery, slogans, etc...  If you have any respond or shoot me an e-mail at unclewalter@unclewaltersrants.com

One more thing...  So you all know I like to write a bit, and so far my little romance scenes get the highest ratings.  I was toying with actually (I can't believe I am saying this) writing a romance novel.  Not your standard fare, but a true to for Uncle Walter style so rather than the flowery or traditional sex scenes there will be throbbing man-baguettes plunging into fleshy pre-warmed toasters of passion.  I;m not sure yet.  Tell me what you think at unclewalter@unclewaltersrants.com

-Uncle Walter

P.S. Check out the eBay store at www.unclewaltersshop.com

The start of a new story... SciFi this time...

In his decrepit apartment, Slinder Corson awoke with a vision.  His forty year old face, well worn, and scarred was bright with fresh enlightenment.  The dream had come again, and this time, this one time, it had all stuck with him.  The meaning, the method, the way.  Somehow as he slept his mind had deciphered the greatest problem that had plagued him for the past 25 years.  He got up and went to his desk and began to draw out the plans to change what was and make a new yesterday.

Over the course of the last four thousand years the human race has seen its fortunes crumble at the hands of a select few power mad war mongers.  Every few hundred years, peace and progress would give way to the onslaught of war.  Millions would die over and over again with every war.  As humanity spread through the galaxy, worlds would fall under the reign of various warlords.  It was on a distant world that Slinder was raised, the son of a teacher, grew as a scholar, destined to take his place at the university alongside his father.  To guide and educate the future generations of 3rd dynasty of the most recent empire.  Then, on his fourteenth birthday, war erupted, and the corrupt leaders of his small world broke free of the empire, which had itself been slowly falling apart.  The loss of the small world was hardly noticed, as it was just the first of 48 similar worlds which left the tattered remains of the empire and formed feudal societies, where the mayors of the empire were now the kings of their planets.  This break was smooth, painless, as the empire had lost the strength to stop it.  It was the years that followed that brought pain and suffering.

Each world had once been part of a combined society, where each performed its own part.  The people of Silco sold their natural resources of steel to the planet of Tharton where the metal was made into star ships, which were outfitted with engines and other parts from at least a dozen other worlds.  Without the forced peace the empire maintained each world found itself dependent on another for survival and vulnerable to the whims of the kings.  As such war broke out. 

Slinder was drafted into the army of his home world of Hardon on his fifteenth birthday.  Hardon was at first a peaceful planet of traders and educators, but with the collapse of the empire it quickly tried to establish itself as the ruler of the surrounding planets.  Harlson Tisk, the former mayor, and newly appointed king realized that the resources of Hardon would only support the planet for a decade or two and that conquest of its neighbors would bring the stability he so craved.  The stability and prosperity that would guarantee his son and his son's sons a new empire to command for centuries to come. 

The empire Tisk craved did not come and Slinder found himself a highly educated foot soldier fighting for his life as Hardon became a barren battered planet.  It was in these moments where he faced death that he decided he had to make things right.  It was 25 years later that he finally figured out how.

Slinder sat, looking over the plans, his dream had completed.  The detailed a small device with a holotox ring, utilizing xenon based power sat in his wooden desk connected to a small portable holo-projector.  He fiddled with the knobs on the base of the device and entered a long series of coordinates into it.  The device lit up and the holo-projecter emitted a beam which began to take shape on the floor.

Wow, that's crazy!

Everyone wants to make a buck, and sometimes they get pretty creative.

Take a look at this guy at http://cgi.ebay.com/NEW-APPLE-ISLATE-I-SLATE-ITABLET-I-TABLET-COMPUTER_W0QQitemZ330398644565QQcmdZViewItemQQptZApple_Laptops?hash=item4ced4b3955.

He is selling an Apple Tablet computer, um before it exists.  Yes, before Jobs announced the iPad today this auction, and many others were running.  The text of his says it pretty well.

ALRIGHT SO EVERYONE HAS HEARD THE RUMOR OF APPLE'S EXPECTED ANNOUNCEMENT OF A NEW TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTER THAT WILL EITHER BE CALLED THE I-SLATE OR THE I-TABLET. THIS OF COURSE IS STILL A RUMOR AND WE WILL ONLY KNOW FOR SURE ON JANUARY 27TH 2010. WHAT I AM SELLING IS THE EXPECTED COMPUTER THAT WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON THAT DAY!!!!  THIS OFFER IS FOR ME TO WAIT IN LINE ON THE DAY THE COMPUTER HITS STORE SHELVES AND SHIP IT OUT VIA OVERNIGHT MAIL THE SAME DAY TO YOU!!!! I WILL SHIP DOMESTIC OR INTERNATIONAL (YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING). NOW OF COURSE THERE MIGHT BE A HUGE UPSET AND NO COMPUTER WILL BE ANNOUNCED BUT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT. IF FOR SOME REASON THE COMPUTER IS NOT ANNOUNCED I WILL OF COURSE REFUND YOUR PAYMENT. I AM TAKING A BIG RISK ON THIS AS NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE PRICE OF THIS COMPUTER WILL BE, BUT REGARDLESS IF THE BUY PRICE IS LESS THAN THE ACTUAL PRICE OF THE COMPUTER I WILL COMPLETE THE SELL AND TAKE ON THE LOSS MYSELF. PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS BIDDERS AND I EXPECT PAYMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS AFTER AUCTION ENDS. I WILL ALSO DONATE 10% OF THE SALE PRICE OF THIS ITEM TO THE "CLINTON BUSH HAITI FUND", EVERY PENNY COUNTS WHEN HELPING THOSE IN NEED!!!! GOOD LUCK BIDDING!!

No idea why it is all caps, maybe he is yelling.  Either way that is pretty arrogant selling something that technically doesn't exist, and may not, even though it did work out.  You think that is bad, take a look at this site.

http://gizmodo.com/5450893/lexicon-charges-3500-for-a-repackaged-500-oppo-blu+ray-player

Yeah it is true, a company named Oppo made a blu-ray DVD player.  Another company named Lexicon took the face off of it and put it in their own case, then charged $3000 more for it.

That's just plain crazy, or you are just plain crazy for buying it.

-Uncle Walter

I cannot take it anymore, you need to learn to say it right!

I grew up in a house where certain diction was important.  You said library, not libary.  Certain words had to be pronounced correctly, and in fact, one word in particular.  That word was often.

The dictionary has two pronunciations for the word: ˈȯ-fən, ÷ˈȯf-tən

In simple terms, some people say "off-ten" and some say "off-fen".

I was raised to pronounce it "off-fen".  It was so ingrained in me that it causes me physical pain to hear it pronounced "off-ten".  It is as thought someone is rubbing my teeth on a chalkboard.  It is misery, it is agony, it is how The Wife says it.

I bite my tongue, it is not a relationship breaker kinda thing.  I told her once that it is pronounced "off-fen".  She polity corrected me stating there are two ways to pronounce it.  She was and is right, even though one of the ways is so wrong it is like a kick to the crotch.

Today I have heard it the wrong way so many times my head is on fire.  I am exhausted, thanks to the boy's late night tirade.  I just can't take it anymore, so please please please, just for one day can everyone just say it right???  Please.

-Uncle Walter

Extreme Eating but good reading

Neat little PDF on extreme eating here

http://cspinet.org/new/pdf/x-treme_eating.pdf