Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes

She was flocking it. It's called a Sno Blower.

"She's probably been the easiest lay of his life, screaming like a banshee and coming more than... More than Santa Claus in the damn song."

More Naughty Than Nice -- Julie Kistler

I don't have time for this. I can't wait if your wiener is pulling a scared turtle.

“A little thing like that’s not much use to anybody. It’s a wonder you can even pee with it.”

The Ripening Time -- Catherine MacLeod

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"Pre cum was dribbling from the tip, dripping onto the floor."

Sex Stalker -- Darren G. Burton

Old Ben Franklin sure was glad he had his skeleton key ampallang!

"He tried to be gentle, to give her that much courtesy, but she surprised him by leaning into his body, opening her mouth for an even deeper kiss that sent ribbons of lightning through his flesh."

Tiger Eye -- Marjorie M. Liu

Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper or you can go for what's in the box!

"She had what his father used to call 'a snapper'. She had control over that pussy."

Fuckstrated -- Junnita Jackson

When you can't get the good one, get the bad one. When you can't get the bad one, get the blob fish.

"Now, this was a seriously dangerous thing, and before he could even complete that thought he felt her slide the clothing off his body and turn like a slippery sea creature under him till she was on top."

Hysterical Blondness -- Suzanne Macpherson

Le L'aine du Cirque

"Her hormones were flipping like acrobats in the far recesses of her groin."

A Touch of Silk -- Lori Wilde

Fortunately she had a twat the size of Alaska to accommodate him.

"If it hadn't been for the backlit flames in his eyes or the uneven breathing, she probably would have been ticked, but Mr. I Feel Nothing had a hard-on bigger than Texas."

Just Let Go -- Kathleen O'Reilly

Talk about the "elephant" in the room. She wasn't complaining.

"Her eyes were fixed on the part of Andrew that had just been revealed like it was a novelty in a curiosity shop."

Intentions of the Earl -- Rose Gordon

Although... and this is just a friendly word of advice... laughing isn't a particularly good idea, either.

"He snickered, but he didn't really think it was funny. It was just easier to laugh than run screaming from the room. Besides, he was starting to feel sorry for the big-squishy thing."

Smoke and Ashes -- Tanya Huff